A Team of Scientists

Here is what you do. Take the Liberty Bell and ship it to Los Angeles. Use it as the lunch bell for the set of Two and a Half Men. Then take all the O’s from the Hollywood sign, and ship those to Philadelphia. Take a picture of the Mayor of Philly hula hooping with them. Blow up this picture and make it the flag of Philadelphia. In retaliation, have Ashton Kutcher marry the Liberty Bell (he seems to be ok marrying older), and then divorce it very publicly. Take pictures of the Liberty Bell partying with Lindsay Lohan. Have Entertainment Tonight do a story on how the Liberty Bell is looking really fat these days. Have the State Flag of California just say the words “Rocky Sucks.”

Oh, look at the schedule. The Lakers and the Sixers are playing tomorrow.

Take the day off work. Lock your doors and hide your flammables. Get some popcorn, and wait for cars to burn.

You know. Like in a rivalry.

Kumail Nanjiani on how to create a true rivalry.